Remember the first time when you felt you had been disrespected by someone you thought had your best intentions at heart? It’s a feeling that is usually followed by this dark mix of disappointment, anger, vulnerability, and confusion. Maybe you initially chalk it up to an accident, only to have it happen again (and again…) This time, you know that the only accident was letting this person continuously into a position to ruin your vibe.
I’ve been there. I am there right now. And I feel you.
Setting boundaries is one of the hardest things you will have to do but once you do, you will flourish. You will soar to new levels of self-respect and self-worth, and have one less mean person in your life. Or, if it’s a person you are determined to work things out with- they’ll have a newfound respect for you that will only positively affect your relationship.
The easiest way to set your boundaries? Say No. No is a complete sentence and that is all you ever owe someone. Especially someone that is only approaching you with their best interest at heart. It can be a personal or a workplace situation, but you know your limits. Don’t take more than you can physically, mentally, or emotionally handle. Burn out is not sexy, neither is being a pushover.
Now, that’s not to say that if your boss asks you to stay overtime you say no because you have “better places to be”. It’s saying no when you can tell someone is blatantly unloading their responsibilities onto you, or not taking your life into consideration at all. Their ask is not coming from a place of genuine need, but a place of blatant disregard.
When faced with a situation in my life that is begging for a boundary to be set, I bring it into the physical by writing down everything I know to be 100% true about the situation. Below are my seven key thinking points:
- Do I have the time to do this or deal with this?
- Do I feel respected?
- Is this the first time this situation has happened? If not, how many times has it happened?
- Does this person come to me any other time other than asking me for something?
- Is this a relationship that brings joy to my life?
- (If it’s something work related)- am I being compensating appropriately?
- Will I feel happy when this task/favor is completed, or just relieved that it’s over?
As women, I know we tend to avoid confrontation. But We need to remember that true power comes from being able to look internally to see what and who the cause of our frustration is, and then being able to verbalize said frustration deliberately to find a solution. Confrontation does not equal being aggressive or rude.
You are your Number One, and nobody can ever have your back more than yourself. Step into your power and call in the respect that you deserve. And if someone is offended by that- GOOD. You don’t want that weak energy in your life anyway. As they say: do no harm, but take no crap. You have a right to your space, your happiness, and your time. Don’t feel guilty for vigilantly protecting what’s yours.
Set your boundaries and flourish, sis. You will be so happy you did.
P.S: Pictured deck is the Inner Compass Cards Deck- click here to view it! It is one of my absolute favorite tools for personal development.